guruatma's blog

chronic critical illness insurance

july 24, 2010

speaking of which, trust me, there is no insurance company with a plan ample enough to match all the external, internal and fringe benefits of SELF AWARENESS & SELF KNOWLEDGE applied to the challenge of having a chronic or critical illness come tapping at your door and begin consuming your life's energy

it's not like one day i woke up 'sick to death'

it was a PROCESS that unfolded over time and choked-up my life, spiraling through phases of realization that ranged from little taps on the shoulder that i hardly noticed and easily ignored, to the latest version of DISCOMFORT that i managed to brush off because, "hey, man, i'm BUSY!"

later down the line, it would come up again as a dull roar

and soon, that episode merged into a great deal of DIScomfort  - "this isn't good!"

eventually blowing up into a bonified "pain in the butt" with symptoms that started tripping-me-up and making me have to pay attention

all the way to becoming SICK enough to be forced to HALT, having to address the situation and say goodbye to "normal life"

Continue reading chronic critical illness insurance

guruatma's 58th birthday blog

may 12th   

so, my dad calls me this morning to wish me a happy birthday: 

HI DAD!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY - you're almost 60!

DAAAAAAAAAD!!!!!!!! i'm 365 x 2 days away from that milestone event, and that's A LOT in my book! 

now, here i am these last few days, as my birthday approached, thinking how i finally feel stable in my life, and all grow-ed up

...noticing how strong and happy i have been blessed to BECOME

but, to be honest, i also noticed that number 60 was now looming on my horizon, so, i forgive you, my dear father

i like that number 60 just fine - IT SUITS ME

i am proud of being in relation with it and i certainly earned that status, one step at a time, and by the sweat of my brow

what's interesting to me, though, is the whole 'rap' about getting older does NOT suit me  

all things considered, and having as many challenges on my plate as the next person, i feel quite YOUNG and happy

and i feel RELIEVED of so much heaviness and turbulence that brought me forth to this present state of freedom and inner-peace

Continue reading guruatma's 58th birthday blog

april 17th  I DO LOVE YOU

i can't stop hearing it

we did a kundalini yoga set about a month ago with this mantra in it and, since then, it has been popping in and out of my consciousness, here and there, tugging me to the side for consideration, contemplation...

i woke up this morning with it calling out to me as i gained consciousness

i DO love you i DO love you

i remember when we first did it, deeply listening to my own voice repeating it as i experimented with emphasizing different words or groups of words in that sentence we were chanting

each combination created a different song and moved me in different ways

i DO love you i do LOVE you I do love you i do love YOU 
I DO love you i DO LOVE you i do LOVE YOU
I DO LOVE you i DO LOVE YOU 
I DO LOVE YOU

to me, the NAAD (sound current) of it felt kinda pretty and satisfying, but also i was aware of the sensations of periodic resistance and little 'shocks' along the way

so here i am, sitting with it out on the table, in full view. hello, dear reader of my blog

as i am a yogi, i understand that the i am not my mind - i am a trinity of body, mind and soul.  my mind is my TOOL!

and the purpose of reciting mantras is for the oh, so/way-cool! and priceless benefit of clearing out the subconscious mind's reservoir

so, here comes the downloading of echos, shadows and ghosts from my past and the opportunity for some deep cleaning, all because of this one mantra's deep penetrating, foaming action (i got those words straight off the label of my ARM & HAMMER SCRUB-FREE Bathroom Cleaner)

are you laughing with me?

all humor aside, let me show you how my mind works and talks to me; it's no joke because it is REAL

...just old, stink-o, moldy patterns, so very automatic and holding this INSTANT POWER to take over my freedom to choose and claim my birthright to happiness, stopping the show, running me into the ground, eating me up and ever running their course - that SIMPLY BEING that they are STUCK in a cycle and LOCKED in a pattern in the bog

it sounds like this:

i DO love you - oh, yah sure - comes up the CYNIC

i do LOVE you - right...... - comes up MISS DOUBT

i do love YOU - say it REAL QUIET so no one hears you - the CO-DEPENDENT

I DO love you - do NOT get caught saying THAT - ah, the GUILTY ONE

i do LOVE you - NOT!!! - the BIG, little DEVIL jumps onto the stage

and on and on - YOU know these tapes as well as i

all the different personifications of a hundred different layers of defense mechanisms erected to protect our innocence, bucking up and showing their faces

and here we are, all such BIG FANs of the best soaps and detergents, scrubbies, air fresheners, deodorants and YEAH for GARBAGE DAY! -  we are SO DEEPLY TRAINED and thrive on covering up our dirt and smells, our mess

i wanted to HUG each one of the city of Houston and FEMA garbage truck drivers on the days they finally showed up and took away our next layer of IKE-disaster, molten piles of refuse and broken trees

well, all i got to say is, THANK GOD FOR MEDITATION - like, take this garbage OUT of me!

this is NOT who i am and the truth is i DO LOVE YOU

i am ready NOW! - do your magic, work on me when i am awake and in my sleep,  reprint my subconscious mind and give me access to my unlimited soul

and thus, i am having yet another EXPERIENCE of how the power of the YOGIC TOOL of meditation can train my mind and release me from attachment to a non-reality perceived in the matrix of life on planet earth

wahe guru! (means: the dance of ecstasy, the sanctuary and the HUGE blessing of being conscious)

enjoy this day-oh

humbly
guruatma 


"This is the key to training your mind.  Use the mind to project to and stay at a point beyond the mind's own nature.  When your mind stays with the self-illuminated soul within you, then all the pains and suffering disappear and your presence radiates and works.  If you train your mind by confronting your ego and desires, it only causes pain.  Train the mind by directing it to confront your unlimited soul.  The mind will be elevated and you will be elevated.  That consistent projection and training is called permanent state of bliss."  Yogi Bhajan


April 5th already..... 

...speaking of "taking away the ghosts of your life" (see my teacher, Yogi Bhajan's quote in the sidebar),

two weeks ago one of mine definitely surfaced

i was working with my 30-yr-old files and came upon an old note written on a ripped-out, calendar page from Friday, December 22, 1990; it was buried in my file labeled: Guru Dev Singh Apts

Guru Dev Singh is a world-renowned, Sat Nam Rasayan healer who worked with me on and off over the years as i struggled through many courses of Relapsing Polychondritis, an auto-immune disease that eats the body's cartilage - MY CARTILAGE (like, my nose!)

so, i'm flipping through all these papers in that file and didn't really even register what it said - "decide whether to stop suffering or not".  on the same page, there was also a recommendation to take a specific homeopathic remedy and do a certain self-massage exercise. He also gave me a diet for when i was stronger

i just kinda scanned it (maybe i read it twice) and went on with my filing and studying that day, and then on with my life...

Continue reading April 5th already.....

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